Really, I dunno how I'm supposed to feel. I haven't taken my anti-depressent pills any, so I guess you could call it numb?? I just have this veil of dread, of....discrace, of....something unbearable laying over me, and I can't breath. I can't hide it much longer, and I can't run from the truth any more, I need help. I have a life, a heartbeat, and every heartbeat of any life deserves to keep beating even in the darkest of souls, even in the emptiest of souls. I've been meditating on it, and I feel, I ought to turn myself in to someone, anyone, anyone who will listen, and won't turn me down to what is real, what I am, what I've become. I'm scared, I'm afraid, and I don't want to be like this any longer, I don't want to have to hide any longer. If depression, if bipolar, if borderline personality are all dissorders, diseases, why can't they be cured? Why can't they make me better. I want to be better, I want to know what it feels like to be you, in your hiarchy of feelings, and love, and being able to see the actually beauty that is forever scarred by my hallucinations, I love every one of them; But what is it like...not to have them? What is it like...to not wake up everyday with something naked and bleeding standing over you? What is it like to be you, and see actual beauty; rather then immagine it? Where will I be 10 years from now with this? Where will I be if I make it to 20? Will I live that long? Or will my insanities get the best of me. Maybe the lady will see my suffering, and ease me through the hardest times I will deal with, maybe th lady will grant me leanience, or maybe I'm ment to learn from this. One day I'll see, and when I do, I will find peace within me and the world.

Blessed Be,
Rhea Psyche Pendragon